Humor

*SWEET* *SUICIDE SERENEDE*

*SWEET*
*SUICIDE SERENEDE*
by Marty Liboff

We’ve all thought of suicide sometime
when life stinks & nuthin will rhyme …
When we’re in physical & mental pain
with tears fallin like rain
I feel like shootin myself in the brain.
I’d take a gun & shoot myself in the head
but I may miss & not be dead.
Poison they say will end your day
but stomach aches will make you pay
so I guess I’ll stay.
I tried to hang myself with a rope
when I ran out of hope
but it got tangled up & I looked like a dope.
I stuck a stick of dynamite up my ass
but it fizzled out and I only farted stinky gas.
Romeo & Juliet were lovers
took poison but coulda just screwed under the covers.
The famous writer Hemingway
took a shotgun & blew his brains away.
I tried to jump off Mount Everest
but I got too tired climbing & had to rest.
I tried to drink myself to death
but only puked & got bad breath.
I can jump in front of a car or truck
but might survive a cripple & that would suck.
Cleopatra used a poisonous asp
although it was said she had a fine ass.
The actor David Carradine died by a perverted fixation during erotic asphyxiation.
I can take a knife & commit hari-kari
but I hate pains in my belly.
A razor blade to my wrist or throat
but I faint seein blood so I’ll jump off a boat.
You can drown in the sea
or hang from a tree
but I’d be so scared I’d just pee.
I took a stroll on a freeway
they locked me in a looney bin to stay
said I’d lost my way.
The comic Robin Williams hung himself with a belt
even though he was talented & had lots of gelt.
Nirvana’s Kurt Cobain
shot himself in the brain
& left a big red stain.
I can drown in a lake or pool
but bloated with water I’d look a fool.
I tried to stick my face in the oven & breathe gas
but before I died, poop passed out my ass.
I could set myself on fire
but I might burn off my dick & not expire.
I’d jump off a bridge or mountain
but I’m afraid of heights- they frighten.
I thought I’d get drunk & blow my brains out
but I drank so much I just passed out.
Steve Reeves played Superman & thought he could fly
& could be shot & not die
shot himself & he went bye-bye.
The great philosopher Socrates
drank hemlock & then shit & pees.
Shall I feast on steak & pizza before I die?
But I don’t want to look fat in heaven in the sky.
Douse myself with gasoline & light a match
but burnin hurts, that’s a catch.
If I died who would walk the dog & feed the cat?
If I didn’t feed the parakeets I’d be a rat.
Yes, the world is heartless & cruel
but if I killed myself I’d stink & leave stool.
Someday we must all die & be cold
our bodies rotting with mold
until then let’s live & be bold.
If I die I may go to a better land
but I hear hell is fire and in shit ya stand.
All these thoughts I know you’ve had
sadness & loneliness will drive ya mad.
You can try many ways to die
but maybe if ya just say hi
and greet life & try.
So I wake up & see the sun
maybe I’ll kill myself tomorrow
but today I’ll have some fun …

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Categories: Humor, Poetry, Uncategorized

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